Am I allowed to talk to a woman?
Brothers who ask this question are missing the whole point of #metoo let alone what women have been asking for centuries
Yes of course you can talk to a woman, what you cannot do under any circumstances in no particular order is:
not listen to her no
make decisions for her
Or anything that over-rides her free will
If she asks you, if she says yes, if she invites you that is fine. If she says no,if she looks uncomfortable, if she is not responding, if you have to drug her to get her to surrender that is not okay.
If you would not want the thing you are doing to her done to you against your will, then stop.
If you are motivated by anger, by fear, by hatred towards her, towards women, that is not okay.
Brothers you can talk to women, you can ask women out, you can flirt what you cannot do is let your desires for what you want over-ride what she wants.
It’s about respect. If she says no stop
If you are unsure ask
Reach out and ask your female friends, and if you dont have female friends because all the ones you had you slept with, or you just dont see women as friends, stop and have a re think.
Get to know the woman you say you “fancy” get to know her likes and dislikes and pay attention to what she is saying. Take your time with her.
If you have a long list of what you want your ideal woman to be like, have a think, would you fulfil someone’s list too? How would you feel if a potential date dismissed you because you were too short, had the wrong colour hair or didnt dress a certain way.
And if you find yourself getting angry at women remembering how your ex treated you or feel hurt remembering your relationship with your mother/sister/other women in your life then consider seeking assistance in healing and clearing these emotions.
Come together in circles of conversation with your brothers and be brave maybe create a circle where there is conversation about the things that matter the things you would like to talk about but cant. Maybe you could lead such a circle, once a month.
Going to the football and the pub is good and male bonding is good but have a think and ask how often do these bonding sessions involve real conversations about the things that matter to you?
Because if you cant talk to your brothers and you fear saying the wrong thing or too much to a woman then who do you talk to?
And its important to talk about these things, we all need that.
Over the years my clients have tended to be in the main women, seeking to heal wounds and get empowered.
I have also had male clients and they have thrived on the work too.
Sometimes its about making that first step and women often address self care quicker than men.
If not now when though.
If you find yourself hurting or feeling confused over recent events in the world or even questioning yourself or your past actions please do seek assistance.
It can be a healing, a meditation, an online course, a workshop, a circle, something that feels healthy. Find that space and go to it, fall into it.
A man’s strength is not in how tough he can be its in how much he can be in his heart, a woman falls for a man who is able to make her feel safe and elevated at the same time. Who empowers her supports her and fancies her like crazy.
Its not that tough what women are after, it just takes a bit of slowing down sometimes and asking questions to get clear.
Because the union and closeness that you are seeking from a woman is a very special thing, its a very delicate and beautiful thing, that intimacy. But intimacy cannot be demanded and it cannot be rushed it takes time, its built on trust and respect. And conversation. Conversation is sexy and listening is sexy, really listening not wanting to get to the bit where you get to flirt but just listening for the sake of it. Being heard is sexy.
And its okay to have the ebbs and flows, a relationship built on friendship and mutual respect has a strong foundation. She wont always look the way she did that night, she wont always be sweet and loving, she wont always be one thing she is a human being and complex like you
When you build a foundation for your connection all her moods and her ways will be part of what you love about her, it will surprise you how well you know her. And as you provide support and protection and care for her she shall open to you more and more.
The more we force something the more we damage it
When we approach with gentleness and care things shift of their own accord.
Deep down do you want to be forced to be what you are not or forced to do what you dont want to do? Then why do that to someone else? Why do that to a woman?
Yes you can talk to a woman, yes you can flirt with a woman, what is your definition of flirtation?
Shall we 69? is not flirtation. Dirty photos is not flirtation. Rubbing yourself up against her when you hug her is not flirtation. Making sexualised comments is not flirtation. Endless messages or requests to go out is not flirtation.
You look nice, you look pretty, I love how you laugh, tell me more, I like hearing about your day, I like spending time with you, Id like to see you again, this was fun, time flies with you, you have beautiful eyes…..these are flirting.
You have massive breasts, not flirting.
Burn that old rule book some guy may have given you and just ask your sisters what works when it comes to flirting you may well learn a lot more than you ever knew.