These are my experiences of the shadow this week amidst the powerful and heavy at times energies.
Going to view a house share we sat down to have the chat about what we do and what we are looking for. All going well, a nice place, and a remain poster in the window. Looking good. Chatting spiritual stuff – looking even better.
When out of the blue I get asked: ” where are you from?” Oh I say London, North London but we travelled around when I was younger. Oh yes says one. But where are you from because you look….and she pointed to her face and then went red and said I mean you sound……Are you kidding me? I look…I sound…..what do I look and sound like?
I can tell you I sound like a Londoner, and I look a little tanned. Yeah said the other woman where are your family from? Oh I see so I couldn’t possibly be from London looking like this? Is that it? Both of them had accents and not once did I think to ask where are you from, where they were from did not impact for me in how well we would share a house together.
I told them about my parents and where they were from, and tried to ignore the slight pause when I said India and Pakistan, because maybe right now they were thinking : is she a terrorist or am I being sensitive? I don’t think so! I think Im pretty justified to say Ladies you have a shadow in you that needs a little well shall we say integrating! Oh yes that remain poster is all well and good but what the heck is going on inside you?
Example number 2- sitting with a fairly new age sensitive guy over a tea, trying to explain how tough personally the last few months had been, as I worked through some trauma from my past. I didn’t want to share what in a coffee shop but I did say it was trauma that was lodged in my body. I said you know when you experience trauma it plays out in your body and it takes time to heal that because you need to release it from the body. You know what he did? He laughed! Yes he laughed! He laughed at the fact that at one point in my life my body had been abused and hurt and I was healing that hurt part of me. He laughed because he didn’t want what I had to say to bring his buzz down. He wanted me to be the “reiki master” not the human,not the vulnerable woman, but the soothsayer. And why? Well I’d say because me being open and raw meant he may have to look at his own rawness and he didnt want to do that.
5 mins later his voice cracked talking about his own pain. Did I laugh? No, I just listened. Not because I am an amazing person – well I sort of am and you are too but I listened because that is what someone in pain needs to be heard.
So he had time for his own pain to be expressed just not to witness mine. If we cannot allow another to be in pain without needing to fix it, its because we have a shadow aspect we are still not looking at and we fear it may well pop out and ruin everything. In fact it already has because it lurks away seeping away and eating away at what could be great connections.
Both these incidents were a little hurtful then I said ah well onwards and moved on. They lost the chance to interact with me again because they took their hidden and boxed away shadow and flung it at me to hold so they did not have to. Im no shadow holder for anyone. I strive to own my own and thus we all must too.
Own the shadow and it shall serve you well.