Intimacy requires much more from us, than being in shape or a nice hair do. It requires a mindfullness of self and the other. True sacred intimacy requires a fearless connection to Spirit, an ability to set aside and see the impulses that come from ego or desire and those that are infused with authentic respect, honouring and the intention of connection. For no one can ever really make us feel whole, complete, healed or anything- that we are not already, that we do not already touch every time we connect with Spirit. Others may inspire us and guide is- they do not make us feel anything- we feel what we choose to- what the mind wanders to,what we have been yearning for, pining for, fearing and on.

Intimacy for me, from a woman’s perspective is knowing that my body and soul are cared for by another, respected as much as I respect myself, them. Intimacy means feeling so safe and relaxed in the presence of another and feeling that their intention comes from a space of Truth and Integrity. That what they are seeking is a Union, with self, with Me and so with the Divine. For me Sacred Intimacy unites us with Spirit and with All that there Is. And so it is a Sacred Act not to be sqandered, hidden behind or used to control.

It requires nakedness on many levels. Emotionally to say to another this is who I Truly am, and though we may say we have done that- do that- I would question if we truly do reveal the deepest parts of who we are to every person we have claimed to- or do we show aspects of ourselves, keeping others hidden in fear, shame, game play or ego. When we are able to truly feel we can reveal to this person ALL we are- then that is a pretty profound indication of that connection. How long does this take? Well it takes as long as it takes. I would say I doubt very much it can happen in a matter of hours. So those glowing words of knowing someone right away- may have levels of Truth- what they lack is the grounding and depth of what occurs over time when we take the time to truly get to know someone- all of them and not just their body. Some have said to me that is how we got to know someone- through the body, through Sex. That is how we get to know an aspect of the connection- it may even show the emotional depths of the other person- but no it does not then mean we get to know someone intimately emotionally, mentally, spiritually by itself- there is no fast track to that. Knowing someone on those levels requires time and care, and the desire to deeper through layer upon layer. That does not happen just through Sex. And gaining that level of intimacy with another requires we are also able to be truly authentic and reveal ourselves. For our relationships are mirrors of us.

And so it means we have a sensitivity to Self, to our needs and the needs of the other. That means going beyond the physical desire- which can numb the other impulses and sensitivities. That means from a woman’s perspective, and I say knowing this works both ways for men and women. Should a Man find himself with a woman and she seems distant physically, as if she is cold, not truly engaging, that does not mean she needs another drink, a massage, warming up, more convincing that Sex would make her feel better, that she needs telling to loosen up, relax, lighten up. It means she is not engaging for a reason. The part of self not focused on the physical, the part that is emotionally sensitive and we all have this, that can pick up on others- and we all have this- will tell you she is disengaging for a reason. When you ignore that sign and decide to convince, cajole, entice anyway you are dishouring that woman. She may not speak up for many reasons.

For years Woman have been told to lie back and think of England. To let a man have his way and it will be over with soon. For years women have been told not to make a fuss and not to say what they want when it comes to intimacy, for fear of making a fuss, being a nag, being seen as somehow loose. As well as this, those woman who may have suffered some kind of abuse at an early age, at later in life will have developed the ability to jump out of their bodies, to disconnect. It is how they will have survived past abuses of boundaries. When we use our emotional sensitivity, when our intention is to merge in a Sacred Way then it becomes less about our desires in that moment and more about the authenticity of the union.

We have desires and impulses for many things in life- chocolate, food, sex, passion, adrenalin bursts. Some will come from a need, some will come from a wound, some will come from a Truth. It is our Journey into the Sacred to know where this impulse is coming from. And then to be aware of how this impulse may impact on another. Just because you feel desire for someone does not mean they must feel desire for you. To assume is to negate the individuality of another. To explore if perhaps they may indicates respect of another.

If we have to convince the other that Sex with you would be a good idea- that says something! Surely if they felt the same the conversation would not even be happening. Surely if we need to convince someone of a connection then we are admitting that the connection is one sided, imbalanced in that time in some way. Is that not worth exploring more than attempting to convince?

Surely when a connection is authentic it is mutual. When that scenario plays out what it shows is one party feels their desires are worth more than anothers. And that is not true intimacy. Women do not need convincing that sex is a good idea. If a woman wants sex, she will have sex. Women are not looking to be over powered and dominated by a man. In the time of Balance- of the inner Male and Female being in harmony- how then does that translate to one dominating the other? It does not. Both are equal. Both come together in equality. How that plays out for each person, each couple is different. It is not a Power Play, this is not a Battle of the Sexes, this is about a MidPoint between the Sexes- a Journey of Balance and Harmony. For Male and Female.

And I am aware that this desire to seek to control can happen emotionally and physically. And it can be either Sex that does this. These are merely some words from a Woman’s perspective. Personally I do not see Sacred Intimacy as one seeking to control another. I do not seek to be controlled or dominated physically emotionally nor do that to another.

And this domination is just not about the sexual act only, it is every time we cross someone’s boundaries and they did not want that. Every time we ignore the needs of another in deference to our own.

The Sun does not say to the Moon I must dominate you, even when you shine at night I shall seek to subdue you. The Waters do not say to the Airs, I shall overpower you, control you. For in that what do we get. We get the annihilation of the very thing we say we are seeking to Unite with. We are being asked to learn to be in Harmony with each other. To start to interact from a place of spiritual and emotional sensitivity. From a place of delicacy and strength, to push and pull in equal balance. We can do this. We have all we need to do this. It requires the intention to have this in our relationships- intimate or otherwise. As we heal that balance in us, we are better placed to have that balance in our outer relationships. As we seek to end the battle of the Male and Female in us. As we seek to welcome and integrate the Male and Female in us, not judging one, not ignoring the other- listening to both.

I pray we all find the strength to do this, to heal the wounds that have prevented us from being able to. For when we do- we shall be the Harmony that translates into our World. And that is what we came here to Be.

Amber Agha