I had been emailed 3 times by a lady asking me to come down to Occupy and volunteer my time as   a Reiki Master and Healer.  It took me a while but finally I listened to the call.

Now I sat on the steps of St Paul’s and asked Spirit why I was being asked to be here. I was shown large circles at St Paul’s. I was shown the land was powerful here, the energies needed harnessing; this space needed Community and this Community was to be Heart Led. That this was to be a new way of connecting in an urban setting. That these circles would not be any one way of being or connecting, but people from all disciplines, beliefs and practices coming together to share their knowledge, to lead circles and heal each other and the city. This was the work to do now. To bring Spiritual connection out of the perceived confines of workshops and over subscribed events and into the very core of where it was needed. All beliefs joining in circle for Spirit led Political Change.

I spoke to a wonderful woman who was running the welfare tent. Many volunteers at Occupy were sleeping there. They had given up jobs, relationships, financial income to be in this space now. The aims were many. To make a stand against Social and Political Inequality. The goal was and has remained for many at Occupy to provide housing and community support for those most in need and on the edges of Society. I had been asked to come to Occupy because the area was attracting those in pain. As we were talking, a homeless man, slightly worse for alcohol, came and joined us. He asked us what we were talking about and we said drumming and sitting in circle. He smiled and sat down by our side and just listened. I felt so strongly the power of this healing. Holding a space to come and sit and be in circle. This lady told me her dream was to see a Warrior Dance snake its way around the city of London, celebrating, healing and rejoicing.

Over the course of the next few weeks I journeyed and meditated for answers. I contacted those I knew to join. Although people said they wanted to take part, progressively it was a lonely quest to find The Tribe.  It had never been my intention to hold space at Occupy. I had felt I would gather people together and have them do what they do, with their years of experience. With people not able to come to London and what felt like the hand of Spirit literally pushing me forwards it looked like it would need to be me to hold the space. In my daily prayers I asked Spirit to bring me the help needed. To give me the strength and humility to be the clearest channel. I had only held space twice since 11.11 for drumming work. My main work had been as a Reiki Master and Healer. I was still going through my initiations, having the month before been on Vision Quest.  I felt small and vulnerable. The calling in me may have been strong; I doubted if my body was a powerful enough container towards the end of an intense year.

The Movement had now reclaimed a building close to St Pauls and Finsbury Square named the Bank of Ideas. So I booked a slot there for a Sat afternoon and asked a dear friend to come with me. She travelled down from Brighton when still ill from a hospital procedure to take part. We held our first circle on Dec the 2^nd.

I walked into the Bank and felt overwhelmed. There was rubble on the floor, the walls on the stairs had been papered with slogans, people were constantly coming in and out of the building. It was a free for all. The energy was powerful, energised, loving and at times lacking focus. It felt like it needed to find a place in the Heart as well as travel through the Mind.

The room we were in was cold, with no lights and debris on the floor. People walked through it to get to other rooms. As I set up the space and drummed to clear the energies, my friend went round the building telling people about the circle. The same lady from the welfare tent turned up who I had met before. She was here today on her day off as she felt drawn to the space. Another woman came in with a flute she had brought with her. She had been spending her time in Shamanic communities across the UK working with the Medicine Wheel. And slowly bit by bit others drifted in.

Spirit had told me to lead those who come in a singing and drumming ceremony to connect with the land and with all that had brought them to this space at this time. We sang to connect with the land on which we stood and to honour all that had brought us to this place at this time, our parents, our grandparents and on. It was a gentle round of singing and drumming, not wanting to push anyone too far. Always asking my guides at every step what to do. As we neared the close of our singing, a man came into the room and asked me to leave. He had stopped me in the middle of drumming.

When I came out he told me our singing and drumming was disturbing them downstairs as they watched a film on social change. I told him we were in the middle of ceremony, people were opening their hearts. Right now in the empty room, 9 people were standing in circle eyes closed connecting. I asked if he could wait 10 mins, he said no. I didn’t expect this. I had thought work like this would be afforded a space and some respect, especially in a movement like this. Instead he took me round the building trying to get me to find another room- there were no other free rooms.  I felt terrible. I had left the circle just standing there. What was happening and why was Spirit taking me down this path? After about 15 mins of me looking for a room and getting more and more worked up, I headed back to the room. My heart sank; I expected they would have got bored and left. Perhaps I had got it wrong somehow, maybe this was Trickster energy? I shouldn’t be here.

I went into the room and there was utter silence. The whole circle was still stood, eyes closed. My friend was holding the circle. I felt self conscious at entering this sacred space. I asked everyone to sit down and was amazed and how deep people had gone. At how strong they had stood their ground in this space where people came in and out of the room and where there was disruption. In a Movement like Occupy one of the biggest learnings from Spirit that day was in holding one’s connection, one’s ground. Allow Mother Earth to hold you, support you, guide you amidst the Chaos. The Circle taught me that as I re joined them. It showed me that one leaves a circle and another steps in to hold the space, and so the space is forever held.

The circles became weekly. The 2^nd circle was larger and made up of those who had done such work before in different ways, those who were much older and so much wiser than me, those who were again visiting the country and those who were part of Occupy on a daily basis. This circle brought together a mini Tribe, made up of myself, a Sufi Healer from Cambridge and the Chairman of a multi million pound company who took to drumming as if he had always done it. The 4^th circle was one of the hardest. By this time the weather was harsh and very cold. The Bank was now a pretty challenging place to be. The room we were in led to other rooms, so every circle had people walking in and out as we drummed. Camera crews sometimes came in and filmed us. Pet dogs joined us and sometimes those high on drugs or alcohol came to the circle. In the 3^rd circle as we closed the space, we were joined by a man in pain, high on something. I worried about including him, worried how it would impact, yet the circle led the way. Just like that he asked if he could join, took off his gloves and the circle opened and held him. The Circle led the way.

The 4^th circle was made up of 7 men all homeless.

That afternoon was one of our hardest circles. The experience of homelessness can leave people with a sense of distraction. Thoughts can go from one to the next quickly. It’s hard to keep focus or stay in place, space for too long. So people kept getting up and leaving and others joining. We opened the space by drumming to release what we no longer wanted to hold onto. We then set our intentions for what we wanted to manifest in the coming year and placed our intentions into a small stick of sage to be burned and released to the elements later. We would then sing to our intentions. I asked people to stand to do this, but unlike the other circles, this circle did not want to stand. One by one they lay down. The room was icy cold; it was so hard drumming in this space as people kept coming in and out. I called on all my Guides to assist. I called on my Guardian and Healing Angels to help me. This was like walking through mud. One by one people came into the room and just lay down. My friend the Sufi was half drumming and half stopping, he was cold. My hands were numb with the cold, but something kept pushing me. We drummed and drummed and sang and drummed and then suddenly with my eyes shut I saw this powerful golden light and felt this incredible shift in the space. The room was bathed in this golden white light. And all of a sudden we were all on this wave, those lying down were chanting, releasing primal sound, the one circle member standing was singing and clapping his hands, we were as one in that powerful light filled, heart led moment. It was beautiful and will stay with me always.

Afterwards we hugged each other deeply, and people described feeling that same powerful golden light and seeing a shift in them and in the room. One man came to us and said this work was needed here, wanted. People left with their sticks of sage ready to burn and release .It was heartening because standing in that cold room, with people coming in and out, the air thick with dense energy, I felt like a total fool, no idea why this was guidance. And in the moment I surrendered to feeling that lost and helpless, the Circle taught me again. We surrender and the shift happens.

The largest circle happened just before Christmas outside St Pauls. After the very first circle- word spread and we were being asked repeatedly to come to St Paul’s. We faced resistance as well. The Bank over the weeks went from a place of community and One-ness- to a place of the mind and eventually fear and aggression The Movement grew tired of the constant media and court battles, of the cold and of the increasing number of those in need of healing and help, with fewer people around to help with their care. Political movements have a Fire about them, that can eat you up if there is nothing there to balance, harmonize and diffuse. The very passion and energy that births the new can also destroy those who carried the seed. Fear was growing and Community was lacking a strong Core. Circles were made up of a few from the movement whose heart led tenderness was so acute that the slightest energetic change was causing them real pain. The Movement was a mixture of those leading from the heart and those with the mind. We faced resistance, some people walked out of circle as soon as they smelt the sage or heard the drum and as they left, others soon joined. It was a constant ebb and flow here.

I was also seeing how challenging it could be for some men to be in a circle led by a woman. Especially those not used to being in Circle. And how strongly that balance is needed. To have the male and female energies in harmony- to lead and organise and to surrender and hold. For we were all being asked to step into a new way of connecting. This would be a change that was Heart led. And many in the Movement resonated with this. What was needed it became clear were daily circles. Were circles of elders. Was a safe space for all to sit and share and play out, drum out, sing out the differences and in so doing find the community inherent in us all. Was the balance of the heart and mind, the male and female in us all. What we cannot accept in Circle we cannot accept in ourselves, in our World. What we heal in Circle we can heal in ourselves, in our Worlds.

At St Pauls on a rainy afternoon we set up space amongst those who refused to join and refused to clear the space. Amongst a stack of books, a wet floor and the sounds of traffic and police sirens in the background. We held the circle the day the movement was in court. The High Court Judge was due to visit that afternoon. The only slot we could get was 4pm for an hour and a half. And as soon as we entered the space Spirit was pushing me to make time.

As we set our intentions for the coming year, those who had sat with their laptops, those who were high on something, those who came in and out of the tent, those who had been in previous circles said later they were drawn to the sound of singing and drumming from the Uny Tent, heard through the traffic noise on the street. As we sang to the intentions we wished to seed- people came in off the streets and unable to use a drum- used stools, their hands- anything they could find. By the time we were at the final round of offering and prayer we had over 25 people in the tent. We were joined by young and old, by those who had never done this work and those who had and then had lost their way and by a member of the clergy from St Paul’s. He said he wanted to be more open to new ways and he stood and sang with us. It was beautiful. In the midst of the last round- we were stopped mid ceremony, mid prayer by a man who said The Judge was arriving and could not see sage or drumming in the tent! And just like that Fear walked into our Sacred Space. What was incredible was no one in circle wanted to stop. He was ordered to leave our Sacred Space and we closed the circle singing and holding hands. The Judge did arrive- and the place was sanitised of anything that could be deemed too “Pagan”. He did grant them a stay of execution. Yet it was obvious to us then that the seeds of disunity and fear were growing strong in the Movement and it would be this that would dismantle the Movement- not any injunction. For the very system they were seeking to bring down they were seemingly recreating in the Tent Cities.

The reason for this I believe was and has been lack of Spirit led community. For in the pursuit of ideals, in the forceful movement of taking over buildings, the connection to Heart, to each other and to Spirit can be lost. And Circle work serves to re –connect.

I held a circle every week for 2 months at Occupy until the space finally became too hard to be in, without a very strong Tribe.

 When the Movement resurfaces I shall be there again with my drum. And I hope there shall be more there this time with their drums, their rattles, their sage and Heart led offerings.

Today as St Pauls goes through the final throes if its eviction, a friend sent me photos from a BBC website of those being forced out by the Police. Amongst the faces I saw many who had sat in circle with us. My prayer is for the beauty, love, community and Spirit led connection that we shared in those circles to hold us all strong in these times of immense change. It has been known for a very long time that this period would arrive and it would herald a new way of thinking, relating and living. Yes some say Occupy was flawed and broke from the inside first, but its’ intention was heart led. And these are the times of following the still guidance of the heart. In circle the heart beats as one, the drum takes us into one heartbeat, one unified rhythm. The drum for me is the heartbeat of any movement of Change. Before we had built up cities and division we had the drum, community and connection to our surroundings. This can and should happen anywhere, in nature. In a city. For each building, each pavement slab, each bollard has Spirit too with which to guide us, educate and heal.

Till The Next Time

Amber Agha

Published in “Indie Shaman Magazine” May 2012